As far back as I can remember, my father would buy a lottery ticket every week until he passed several years ago. It wasn’t until recently that I understood why he did. You see, I thought he was purchasing a chance to win the jackpot, and, even as a young child I thought he was wasting his money: “Papa, why do you bother with those tickets? The chance of winning is astronomical!”

“Anjali,” He would reply, “I’m not buying a ticket thinking that I will win, I am buying the hope that comes along with having a lottery ticket! It is the best thing I spend a dollar on all week!”

“Really?” I asked.

Actually, it is the second best thing I spend a dollar on all week; the first best thing is a Walnut Crunch from Tim Hortons!”

Pap would go on to tell me that every great event that happened to him during his lifetime started with hope. He was born in a very low class Indian home in New Delhi, and was the youngest of eight children. He dreamed of being a professional photographer, and won a chance to go to the University of Sidney in a lottery system organized by Australian Humanitarians. His hope was always to move to the United States, and from Australia, he moved to England, then Canada, and ultimately made it to the United States in 1991. He told me that as a young child in India with little financial means, many other people believed that he could never amount to anything, and certainly could never make his way to the United States.

As a child, I had many hopes and dreams, yet, as my dreams materialized, my hopes diminished. I always wanted to be a physician, and worked my whole life to make that wish come true. I was so proud to graduate medical school and finish my residency, I felt like I had achieved all of my goals in life. But what I realized being in practice for over ten years, is that life to me becomes mundane without continuing to fantasize about all of the possibilities one life can experience.

The pictures above show the beautiful Palos Verdes coastline. Each evening, my husband and I walk along the beautiful path, and take in all the beauty that we are blessed to enjoy while getting in some exercise. The walk is quiet and serene, with small white tailed bunnies that hop innocently through the foliage. Most nights, we would start the walk with the obligatory question: How was your day? We would normally answer with the ever popular, “It was fine…” Then followed by issues and dilemmas we faced that day. Pretty soon we would be hyped up, angry, bitching to one another about some issue that had really got us going. By the time we got home we were both upset, fuming about some unimportant problem that we had blown up into a crisis. It was not good for either of our spirits.

One day, on our walk, I started by saying that we should use our walks to feed our souls. But how? First we thought about saying only positive things about our day, which worked, but was not profoundly satiating. Then we decided to try an exercise where we would describe our dream life, as detailed as possible, with all the bells and whistles.

I started: “I would love to be an actress!” My husband giggled, and replied:

“You are a terrible actress!”

“No, I’m not!” I rebutted, “I’ll prove it, give me an emotion!”

“An emotion?”

“Yes, and emotion!” I said as I started to laugh…

“Okayyyy,” he said as he thought, “Excited…”

I dropped my jaw, widened my eyes, and put my hands over my heart. Dan busted out laughing, and said: “Ok, ok, that’s pretty good, let’s see scared…”

I dropped my jaw, widened my eyes, and put my hands over my heart.

“Your scared is EXACTLY the same as your excited!” Dan proclaimed. And we both laughed so hard that we started crying.

“No, but seriously,” I started back in, “I would really love to pack a doctor bag with my instruments and some medications, and go to underserved countries and really practice medicine!”

Dan agreed that that would be fulfilling in a meaningful way. He then went on to tell me some of his great ideas, that, if made into reality, could change many people’s lives all around the world. We started dreaming, and encouraging one another. Our dreams ranged from writing books, to having our own reality TV show! We talked about being medical correspondents for large news organizations. We imagined ourselves helping rehabilitate patients who suffer from addiction due to the opioid epidemic. We came up with ideas of how to end world hunger. I talked about my love for fashion, and what I could do that would incorporate that into my life, while using proceeds to help those less fortunate than myself. Dan, as an army veteran, expressed his desire to help the Wounded Warrior Project. We decided that our walk is much better spent in hope than in regret.

Each day now, I spend more time thinking about things I still want to achieve in life, and how I might go about achieving those goals. I love living in Los Angeles, because it is steeped in hope. The whole vibrational frequency of the area is made up of people who have come far and wide to pursue their dreams. It is a place where anything can happen, and it does, every day for so many people. I also now understand why my dad bought those lottery tickets: hope is the fuel that feeds our soul. It is, however, only secondary to the walnut crunch, the fuel that feeds our tastebuds!