The pitter patter of his feet was getting faster and faster as he hurled down the hard wood hallway…Morning had come, and I knew there was no escaping it. He made it into the carpet of our room, and then I knew it would only be a split second until the licking frenzy began. He made a great leap towards the bed, then, thump! Sometimes Milo gets a little too big for his britches, and doesn’t quite make the ascent onto the bed the first time. I heard him shake it off, jump, and stick the landing the second time. Then, I quickly lifted the covers over my head, as he hurried towards me, showing off his terrier skills as he began to dig me out of the covers. I finally gave up, my eyes still closed, as he began to saturate my face with dog slobber.

“Milo, will you please give it a rest?” I mumbled as I began to crack one eye open I saw my husband entering our room with a breakfast tray…

“Goooooood morning!” He exclaimed as I wondered how he was moving so quickly so early in the morning. “I brought you chocolate cake, just like you asked for with a Diet Coke- breakfast of champions! If your patients knew you had this for breakfast they would never let you hear the end of it.”

“What are you talking about? It has all the basic food groups: chocolate and carbonation…” I said as my second eye opened.

“You’d better get a move on, today is burrito meeting day.” Every other Thursday we have a continuing medical education class that our work hosts, and breakfast is provided. The breakfast burritos are excellent, thus we named the meeting endearingly, The Burrito Meeting. At that moment Ashley, my 10 year old step daughter, came around the corner and jumped into bed with me and the dogs dressed in a full on fuzzy onesie-

“I am an Es-Ki-Mo!” She proclaimed as she now became Milo’s new victim of canine kisses. “Why are we up so early today?” She asked.

“It’s Burrito Meeting Day”

“Awwwww, I hate Burrito Meeting Day! I have to go to school so early on those days she said as she clicked on the TV to the Today Show, that I watch most mornings while getting ready. “Gee, I have a question…”

“Yes baby?” I asked as I got on my knees by the side of the bed to say my prayers before going any further into my day.

“Why was Matt Lauer fired from this show?” I giggled because I didn’t know that she knew any of the TV anchors on the shows I watch, but she is very observant-

“I’ll get back to you in one second…” I said as I started my prayers with gratefulness for all God has blessed me with, followed by asking him to help me during my day to see where I can best help others- Whether it be helping me to figure the right diagnosis or just offer kindness and support to someone. Then I pray for people by name. Then I prayed for God to give me the right words to say throughout the day.

“Ok, Ash, sooooooo, he was fired for sexual harassment…”

“What’s that?” She replied like a reflex.

“Well, remember when I would pinch your butt when you wore leggings and proclaim that you were wearing ‘pinch-able pants’?”

“Yes…”

“Ok, well Matt Lauer did stuff like that too much to women he worked with and they didn’t like it.” As the words of explanation came out of my mouth I thought to myself: really, God, that is what you would have me say to her?

“And so he was fired because he pinched too many women’s butts?” Ash innocently asked.

“Well, sort of, you get the picture, now go get dressed!” I segued out of the conversation as I shoveled chocolate cake in my mouth and washed it down with a Diet Coke, knowing full well in less than an hour I would be eating a burrito. I finished my cake and walked into the bathroom proudly with half my face covered in dog slobber and the other half in chocolate cake.

Dan was already in the shower soaping, shampooing, and talking to me about, well, I’m honestly not sure what, but i just kept nodding every now and then as I got my contacts in and brushed my teeth. My brain was just starting to wake up, and I couldn’t concentrate long enough to listen to his esspresso-ed up antics. When he got out of the shower and started toweling off he asked: “So, what do you think?”

I swished the last of the toothpaste from my mouth, spit it out, stood up straight, and patted my face dry as slowly as I could so that I could think of an answer: “I think you are absolutely right…”. I figured that one always works.

“Ok, that’s what I figured because…”

And at that moment Kellen, my oldest step son walked in the bathroom and said in the most teenagerest monotone: “I vomited”. Then just looked at us.

Dan and I looked at each other, then back at Kellen, finally Dan broke the silence and said “Ok….so now what? Let me guess, you want to stay home…”

Kellen, seeing that we figured out his ploy said: “No, I just wanted to let you guys know.” And walked out of the bathroom. I was happy because Dan got distracted from the conversation he had started with me; in my mind Kellen got big points for that nonsensical interjection.

We finished getting dressed and getting Ashley dressed when Mia, our other dog started making that sound. You know, that sound that every dog owner knows, the sound a dog makes just before she vomits. Dan quickly ran over and picked her up and headed for the back door while I quickly opened the door for him- He almost made it too- but not quite. Just as he was about to exit the doorway, she turned her head and vomited all over our carpet. “We will have to clean that up later, we are now all officially late!” Dan angrily shouted.

We all gathered our bags for the day and headed towards the doorway. Dan looked at me and said “Don’t let me forget to buy lettuce, tomato, and cilantro for dinner tonight.”

I said: “Ok, and don’t let me forget to sign up for the convention coming up and pick up the dry cleaning.”

“Ok” he said, knowing full well that neither of us would remember any of what was just said. As we headed out the door, Kellen, being the first one out the door ran into a big spider web, and started doing the spider web dance we have all done at one point in our life, whilst screaming like a girl. We all backed up and left him for dead as we decided to exit through the garage. We finally made it to our cars, waved at each other, and headed off to work and school respectively.

Our mornings are not perfect, in fact they are far from it. We are just like everybody else, with imperfections, bad habits, and chaos. But I’ll tell you, when I look back at my life, and my time with my kids, it is the times of chaos I look back on with a smile. I wouldn’t trade these memories for all of the money in the world. I could go on for days with stories like these, but those are mine to keep, mine to go through at 3 am when I cannot sleep. Mine to remember what I felt like at that moment in time when I look at pictures of us from years ago that feel like yesterday. You see, it is in the simplicity of life where living takes place. Go forth, my friends, and live! XOXO

It was 6:38 AM on Friday morning and I was fighting to wake up. Mornings have not been my thing, lately, in fact, I can’t even wake up to my own alarm. My husband, bless his heart, wakes up, feeds the dogs, makes me an espresso and a little breakfast, and sets it on my night stand to wake me up. On this particular morning, I awoke to the sound of slurping. The slurping that comes from a little pup trying to consume as much of the bagel and cream cheese that was sitting beside my bed before I awoke… Well, that was the perfect way to get me to jump out of bed, and snatch the whole tray away from her…Half my espresso was gone, and ALL the cream cheese had been licked off so perfectly, I wouldn’t have even known it was ever there but for the fact that my little Shorkie had a white mustache, and a guilty look. “Mia!!!!!!”, I snapped, “What in the world are you doing??? Bad, bad, bad dog!!!” I sadly took the tray, and headed toward the kitchen to dump it, as I passed my husband who was trying to hide his giggles- “Well, that got you up!” He said.

“We’ve got to do something about her behavior, she is 4 years old, and still has NO manners! We need Caesar Milan, The Dog Whisperer STAT!”

We currently have 2 dogs- the first one is technically ‘mine’, and her name is Mia, she is a Shih Tzu/Yorkie mix, and I got her 4 years ago as a birthday gift from my husband. She was the ugliest one in the shop full of 2 lb tea cup Yorkies, and was 4 months old, whereas most of the pups were adopted before they turned 1 month. She was there as a favor to one of the breeders who was trying to get rid of her, as they believed no one would want her because she was not a tea cup, not pure bread, and pretty ugly with straggly black fur/hair. My husband had taken me to the shop and told me I could get any pup I wanted, when I saw Mia playing in the pen, (she only had 15 minutes a day to play, the rest of the time she was confined to an aquarium), and she had the ‘pee pee’ pad between her two hind legs, walking on her front two, playing ‘wheelbarrow’ all by her lonesome. “I want that one!” I proclaimed as I pointed at Mia and she looked up at me, like “What took you so long?”. The lady showing us around said: “Ummmm, are you certain, your husband said you could have any one that you want, and you want this monstrosity?” I looked at her with disgust, “YES, I do.”

We had to wait a day to get her as if she was a gun or something, I really have no idea why, but we returned there early and with excitement the following day. The owner of the shop’s name was Esmeralda, and she required that we had an orientation day before we got to take Mia home. Esmeralda informed us that Mia would probably be very depressed when we got her home, and that she wouldn’t eat, and would probably mope around for several days.

When we got her home, we set Mia down, and she took one look around her big, new home and then took off!!! She ran at the speed of light with her little butt down for better maneuvering, and drifted around all the corners. My husband called her ‘Tokyo Drift’. She ran up to the pit bull/lab mix we had at the time and jumped up and down in front of him, as to say, ‘hello, I am your new sister!’ Before we even had a chance to put her food down, she ate her big brother’s large dog food, then fell asleep in my lap with a big belly. Months later, when we got her first haircut, all the straggly black wirey fur came off to reveal a beautiful golden shade. She is our golden child. She loves to travel on airplanes, and especially loves when the peanuts come by! So far she has been in great health, and has given us so many wonderful memories.

Last December, we decided to get another pup for our pack, and, so on our wedding anniversary, I got my husband a little Yorkie mix. We are not sure exactly what he is, we got him off the internet from someone who had puppies, and told us he was a pure bread Yorkie. As soon as we saw him, though, we knew he wasn’t, but that really didn’t matter to us. My husband named the little guy ‘Milo’, and he has joined our pack seamlessly. He is very aerodynamic, and jumps around the whole house. He listens very well, and knows his place is second to his big sister Mia. Recently my husband ordered a DNA test for Milo, so soon we will know what breed(s) he is. Milo likes to fight with a sweatshirt that we leave on the bed, and usually, the sweatshirt wins. Milo is very protective, and likes to battle the evil sprinklers, by barking and jumping on them. He is so exceedingly soft, snuggling with him heals my soul. Our dogs have brought us so much joy, but the problem with joy, is the worry that comes with it. What happens when our dogs get old and in pain? What happens if they run away? What happens when their time here on earth is over?

Recently I made a new friend who is very dear to me: Candace. Candace has the same love for dogs that I do, and her pup’s name is Oliver. Candace was also close with her parent’s German Shepard, Jake. Jake was a puppy when Candace first met him, and she and Jake had always had a special connection. When Candace would enter her parents’ house, Jake would run to her, and howl and cry in a way that seemed as if he was trying to communicate with her. Apparently he had a lot to say, because, according to Candace, this could go on for several minutes. Candace would often treat Jake to his favorite foods: chicken, and lobster; Jake and Candace would go to the sand dunes in El Segundo, California, to play fetch, but, by the end it was Candace who was fetching the ball because Jake would get tired! Candace’s own dog Oliver does not particularly like other dogs, but he would make an exception for his cousin, Jake. The three would go on long walks together, in silence, but with deep understanding of one another. All was well in Jake’s world, until he was diagnosed with lymphoma several months back. Of course, his family was worried sick, as he bravely underwent chemotherapy, never understanding the ‘whys’ us humans so deeply need to know. For a while, Jake was doing better, however, his lymphoma returned with a vengeance, and Jake’s family knew he was in tremendous pain. On July 31, 2018, Jake, surrounded by his family, underwent euthanasia, and he took his last breath. Candace was alerted of the situation, and rushed to be by his side, but could not make it in time. She told her family not to prolong the injection, as Jake was in tremendous pain, and she did not want him to suffer a moment more than he had to. When Candace got there, she held him until the heat from the once rambunctious Jake cooled, and his soft body stiffened. She said the hardest thing was just his breathlessness that seemed surreal. Jake’s work on this Earth had been completed. Job well done, Jake.

I would be remiss if I left out a pup that was very dear to my heart, my fur niece, Jade. Jade was my brother Cyrus’ pup, who he adopted as a tiny fur ball. At the time, my brother was a Bachelor, and life was just him and her- dog parks, walks, and wrestling for days, as that little one had energy to spare. Over time, my brother met his future wife, and Jade more than approved! They married, and moved into a house of their own with enough room for Jade to spread her wings so to speak. Jade was with Cyrus when our father passed away-by this time Jade was middle aged, and more mature. She comforted him in a way that no one else could. Soon Cyrus and Lori brought home their first baby- they did not know how Jade would react, and were worried she may be jealous. Quite the opposite, Jade LOVED her new baby brother, and was actually defensive of him. As time went by, and grey spread throughout jade’s once raven fur, she got to be a bit snappy. One time she snapped at Cyrus’ son, and Mom and Dad were afraid they would have to get rid of her. Cyrus spoke with me about it, and i remembered that I had a patient who had just lost her dog and was looking for a mature dog for companionship. The deal was almost done, but Cyrus backed out, because he just couldn’t part ways with his most trusted companion. A few months ago, Cyrus told me he awoke in the early hours of the morning with a pit in his stomach as if something was really wrong. He quickly got out of bed, and bee lined it to Jade. He said that she looked so peaceful, but he knew. He wrapped her in blankets, and laid with her for a while. When morning came he and Lori had to explain to their son what had happened, and a very important lesson was learned that day for Cyrus’ son about love and loss. Jade, you were very special to me, and you will be missed, but I know you have your shiny raven hair back, and are bouncing around like old times. Great job here on earth, Jade.

What to say when someone loses a pet? To me, it truly is a member of the family, and the deep mystery of the great beyond can cause a lot of grief. Especially for pets- we are so used to taking care of them, the question is, where are they now, and are they being cared for properly? I told Candace that my Dad and my family German Shepard Blake, were both on the other side, and that they would take Jake in, and show him his new digs. We never get to explain to our pets in words what they mean to us, and how much they have changed our lives. What it meant when they licked our tears, snuggled into our sickness, or jumped with us for joy when something exciting happened. They will never know how their sweet spirits keep us present, and remind us to live in the moment. I believe that they KNOW the secrets we don’t. They understand something we never will. They are built to live in the moment, and they aim to please, regardless of how they have been treated in the past. They forgive automatically, and are never deceitful or resentful. Their needs are simple. They seem generally happy, because, they know it is all ok here on earth; they know that what they need will be provided. They also know that they come from a place of pure, unlimited, vibrant, powerful, intoxicating LOVE, and to the same place they shall return.

I want to take this moment to remind you that it is all OK. No matter what you are going through, God WILL provide you everything you need. You can find joy in the smallest of things, and focus on that beauty, resonate on it, and, I promise it will multiply. Take a lesson from our four legged friends- forgive immediately, be yourself, love whomever’s energy attracts you, and steer clear from those that give you a bad feeling in your gut. It truly seems ridiculous to think this way, but the truth is, in my mind, dogs are more evolved than humans. What good is all of our intelligence and opposable thumbs if we are miserable at the end of the day? If we were functioning on the gross domestic happiness instead of the gross domestic product we would enjoy life a whole lot more. I implore you, my faithful readers, to behave like dogs, and you will find heaven on earth! Until next time…

This week’s photo is something that is beautiful to me, because of it’s sentimental nature. It is a gardening center that was put together by my husband and my kids, for me, for Mother’s Day. This past year I have gotten into gardening because of it’s magical undertones. I am a scientist at my core, but, come on, do any of us really understand how plants germinate, grow, and bloom? How are some flowers so vivid in color and perfect in shape? God’s perfection in contour and detail triumphs man’s best attempts at imitation every time! When I go out into my garden, I start at my gardening center, and think to myself how lucky I am to get to take part in such a rewarding hobby. I smile, and breathe, and appreciate life for all of it’s complex simplicity.

One day last week I arrived home from work ready to shed my doctor hat and start in on my gardening. I threw on some comfortable clothes, my gardening apron, and, of course, my straw hat. I had recently purchased some seeds of California Wild Flowers that were pre-packaged in soil. I spoke to the gentleman who was selling them at a Fourth of July festival, and he promised big returns from the $5 pouch of seeds. My mind was picturing my back yard covered in beautiful wild flowers, the wind blowing them back and forth, the sun dancing on their colors, and butterflies and hummingbirds to make the daydream complete. I had placed the seeds under a wet cloth for a few days per the instructions to start the germination process. As I arrived at my gardening station, I reached down to lift the wet cloth to peek at my seedlings, and there it was: MY WORST NIGHTMARE- it was a centipede, I think. These bugs are found around my house, and I had never seen them before I moved to California, so I googled it, and I believe it is a centipede. It has a fuzzy body, is brown gray, and has a hundred legs that almost look like hair, but make them move so fast that they appear to hover. They do not bite, and are essentially harmless, but I abhor them.

My eyes widened, then squinted. My fear and anger was growing in intensity, as I tried to come up with a game plan to rid the world of this pest. I pictured myself flinging over my whole gardening center, and running like a kid back into the safety of my house…but what about my seedlings? This plan was not viable. And then, out of no where, I heard the back sliding door of my house open…”Gee…?” A little voice said. The interruption of the tension that was building made me jerk:

“Kellen, what are you doing here?” I asked as he normally hides in his room to play video games. Kellen is my step son, and he is now 19 years old. He is incredibly handsome, and incredibly sweet. He is on the autism spectrum, but is very high functioning. He just recently graduated high school, and we are all so proud of him.

“I just heard you out here, Gee, and wanted to see what you were doing…” Kellen responded.

“Oh that’s just wonderful, Kellen, I actually need a favor from you…” I said as I smirked an evil grin…

“Sure Gee, what is it?”

I reached over and grabbed a shovel, I handed it to Kellen, and I pointed to the centipede and said: “Do it…” In my best God Fatherish tone.

“Do what?” He replied in all of his innocence

“MURDER” I responded… “It’s ok, Kellen, Gee says it’s ok…” I tried to convince him. Kellen took the shovel and reached over to the Centipede, and laid it in front of him almost as an insect red carpet of sorts. The menace compliantly got onto the tip of the shovel. Then Kellen turned and faced me, moving the centipede closer to my face. I saw my life flash before my eyes…

“I can’t do it, Gee…” He said as he moved near…

“What in the world are you doing, Kellen?!?!?!? Kill him!!!” I screamed.

“No, I’ll just move him, Gee…” he said as he flung the centipede into a flower bed right outside my bedroom door. The bug hit the dirt, and wiggled into the ground, hidden for then, but sure to resurface at some point. I felt my anger bubbling over, I grit my teeth and I replied to Kellen in a completely fake parent voice:

“Thanks, kiddo…I appreciate you…”

“No problem, Gee! I love you!”

“Love you too, Kel.” I said as he put down the shovel and headed in.

And then I started to think about fear. Where does fear come from? Why didn’t Kellen fear that evil bug? Why would I have such a strong response to an insect that would not hurt me? Certainly I was not born that way, it is something that was learned at some point in my life. The fact that I can have such a strong response to something benign really confused me. It is not an adaptive mechanism that benefits me in any way. And if I have these fears buried inside of me, what other fears have I acquired along the way that are impairing me for no good reason?

I know that fear is the underlying issue in so many things- limitations to new endeavors because of fear of failure. Not wanting to make new friends because of fear of being hurt or disappointed. Most of the fear I could think of in my life was centered around self protection in some way. When I pursued the thought further, I realized that fear is really non-sensical, and serves no real purpose most of the time. Fear, I believe, is the underlying source for racism, sexism, ageism, and all of the other ‘isms’. My fear of centipedes demonstrates the physiological changes that occur in me at the sight of an innocent insect. What about the fears of greater issues? Guns? Terrorism? Even driving to work every day can evoke fear. Fear that illicit visceral responses, and makes us act out in all sorts of inappropriate ways. Ok, so now I realize that I suffer from fear that makes day to day life uncomfortable. But what now?

One thing that really helps me to put fear into terms of understanding is a quote by Elkhart Tolle:

“Boredom, anger, sadness or fear are not ‘yours’, not personal. They are conditions of the human mind. They come and go. Nothing that comes and goes is you.”

When I remember that my fears do not define me, I then have the power to discard of them like turning the page of a book. I can take that fear, and let it pass like items on a conveyor belt, looking to the next idea, one of love and inclusiveness. One where every one and everything has it’s role in this world, and has been placed here, much like myself.

I also like this quote by PETA President Ingrid Newkirk:

“Every animal has his or her story, his or her thoughts, daydreams, and interests. All feel joy and love, pain and fear, as we now know beyond any shadow of a doubt. All deserve that the human animal afford them the respect of being cared for with great consideration for those interests or left in peace.”

If everything and everyone is part of an ecosystem, each with it’s own role, I have no choice but to accept all creatures and all things. I refuse to live my life in fear, and will deal with whatever consequences may come if and when they do. I am the captain of my own ship! I control my own thoughts, and thus my fears. I now vow to you all, my dear friends, that the next time I encounter a centipede, I will no longer seek an innocent bystander to do my dirty work for me…I will kill that damn bugger myself!

As far back as I can remember, my father would buy a lottery ticket every week until he passed several years ago. It wasn’t until recently that I understood why he did. You see, I thought he was purchasing a chance to win the jackpot, and, even as a young child I thought he was wasting his money: “Papa, why do you bother with those tickets? The chance of winning is astronomical!”

“Anjali,” He would reply, “I’m not buying a ticket thinking that I will win, I am buying the hope that comes along with having a lottery ticket! It is the best thing I spend a dollar on all week!”

“Really?” I asked.

Actually, it is the second best thing I spend a dollar on all week; the first best thing is a Walnut Crunch from Tim Hortons!”

Pap would go on to tell me that every great event that happened to him during his lifetime started with hope. He was born in a very low class Indian home in New Delhi, and was the youngest of eight children. He dreamed of being a professional photographer, and won a chance to go to the University of Sidney in a lottery system organized by Australian Humanitarians. His hope was always to move to the United States, and from Australia, he moved to England, then Canada, and ultimately made it to the United States in 1991. He told me that as a young child in India with little financial means, many other people believed that he could never amount to anything, and certainly could never make his way to the United States.

As a child, I had many hopes and dreams, yet, as my dreams materialized, my hopes diminished. I always wanted to be a physician, and worked my whole life to make that wish come true. I was so proud to graduate medical school and finish my residency, I felt like I had achieved all of my goals in life. But what I realized being in practice for over ten years, is that life to me becomes mundane without continuing to fantasize about all of the possibilities one life can experience.

The pictures above show the beautiful Palos Verdes coastline. Each evening, my husband and I walk along the beautiful path, and take in all the beauty that we are blessed to enjoy while getting in some exercise. The walk is quiet and serene, with small white tailed bunnies that hop innocently through the foliage. Most nights, we would start the walk with the obligatory question: How was your day? We would normally answer with the ever popular, “It was fine…” Then followed by issues and dilemmas we faced that day. Pretty soon we would be hyped up, angry, bitching to one another about some issue that had really got us going. By the time we got home we were both upset, fuming about some unimportant problem that we had blown up into a crisis. It was not good for either of our spirits.

One day, on our walk, I started by saying that we should use our walks to feed our souls. But how? First we thought about saying only positive things about our day, which worked, but was not profoundly satiating. Then we decided to try an exercise where we would describe our dream life, as detailed as possible, with all the bells and whistles.

I started: “I would love to be an actress!” My husband giggled, and replied:

“You are a terrible actress!”

“No, I’m not!” I rebutted, “I’ll prove it, give me an emotion!”

“An emotion?”

“Yes, and emotion!” I said as I started to laugh…

“Okayyyy,” he said as he thought, “Excited…”

I dropped my jaw, widened my eyes, and put my hands over my heart. Dan busted out laughing, and said: “Ok, ok, that’s pretty good, let’s see scared…”

I dropped my jaw, widened my eyes, and put my hands over my heart.

“Your scared is EXACTLY the same as your excited!” Dan proclaimed. And we both laughed so hard that we started crying.

“No, but seriously,” I started back in, “I would really love to pack a doctor bag with my instruments and some medications, and go to underserved countries and really practice medicine!”

Dan agreed that that would be fulfilling in a meaningful way. He then went on to tell me some of his great ideas, that, if made into reality, could change many people’s lives all around the world. We started dreaming, and encouraging one another. Our dreams ranged from writing books, to having our own reality TV show! We talked about being medical correspondents for large news organizations. We imagined ourselves helping rehabilitate patients who suffer from addiction due to the opioid epidemic. We came up with ideas of how to end world hunger. I talked about my love for fashion, and what I could do that would incorporate that into my life, while using proceeds to help those less fortunate than myself. Dan, as an army veteran, expressed his desire to help the Wounded Warrior Project. We decided that our walk is much better spent in hope than in regret.

Each day now, I spend more time thinking about things I still want to achieve in life, and how I might go about achieving those goals. I love living in Los Angeles, because it is steeped in hope. The whole vibrational frequency of the area is made up of people who have come far and wide to pursue their dreams. It is a place where anything can happen, and it does, every day for so many people. I also now understand why my dad bought those lottery tickets: hope is the fuel that feeds our soul. It is, however, only secondary to the walnut crunch, the fuel that feeds our tastebuds!

Satin “Elia” stiletto sandal with marabou T-strap, Manolo Blahnik, 2016. That’s all…Carry on, then,,,

This week’s blog entry has no corresponding picture for a very specific reason: You will manifest your own imagery based on your own deepest desires! Recently I have endured significant life changes, reminding me of certain Laws of Attraction that I have learned to be true. I will be describing today, to the best of my ability, how I believe it is possible to invite positive changes into your own life. Many of you may be familiar with Buddha’s Wisdom, that explained to his followers that whatever they chose to give their attention, their love, their appreciation, their listening and their affirmation would grow in their life and their world. He states that if we choose to focus our attention on scarcity- acquisition, accumulation and greed, then scarcity would grow in our life and our world. Conversely, if we choose to focus on sufficiency, then we will enjoy a bountiful life. But…specifically, how is this to be done?

Starting early on in life, I faced what I perceived was great adversity for many reasons. Firstly, I was raised by Indian immigrant parents, who choose not to associate with any family back in India, nor did we affiliate ourselves with the local Indian community. The reason this was significant to me is that to the children at school I was the different, Indian girl, and to the Indian community I was the uncultured Indian girl. I never quite felt like I belonged. Also, my father was a stay at home dad, while my mother was the family bread winner. At that time, this was a rarity, and other kids’ parents were weary about letting their daughters come over to visit with me, as only my father was home to watch after us. Lastly, and most upsetting to me, I was significantly over weight. In third grade, I tipped the scales at approx 150 lbs- I remember in math class we were measuring the weight of different objects, and the final weight we had to measure was our own. At that time, I weighed more than my third grade teacher… I was horrified.

One morning, on the way to school, I heard something very interesting on the radio station to which my mother was listening…A journalist was reporting of a new study that demonstrated visualization of one’s self weighing their ideal weight stimulated weight loss! I was taken aback- could this really be? I figured it was worth a shot! I began imagining myself as a thin little girl. I then figured if this theory could work for weight loss, then why not all of my problems? I began picturing myself with blonde hair, and blue eyes, a mother that stayed at home, and a father that went off to work every day with a suit, tie, and briefcase. The feelings that immediately followed were those of desire, which ultimately led to more suffering. Unfortunately, my problems of woe were not resolved that day, but it did open the door to understanding later in life.

There was one integral piece of the puzzle I was missing at that point in my life- gratitude. Oprah, in her book What I Know For Sure, speaks about a time in her life where she was under trial, and she called her friend and confidant Maya Angelou to cry to her- Maya, full of wisdom, answered with clarity: “Say Thank You!” When Oprah asked for clarification as to why she was to say Thank You, Maya responded:

“You are saying thank you because your faith is so strong that you don’t doubt that whatever the problem, you’ll get through it. You’re saying thank you because you know that even in the eye of the storm, God has put a rainbow in the clouds. You’re saying thank you because you know there’s no problem created that can compare to the Creator of all things. Say thank you!”

The power in those words are undeniable. Oprah then writes in her book: “Gratitude can transform any situation. It alters your vibration, moving you from negative energy to positive. It’s the quickest, easiest, most powerful way to effect change in your life-this I know for sure.”

So with this, I began to think… I realized that asking for things from God is very different than being grateful for things that you have yet to have been given. With this, I propose a form of prayer in which one visualizes the life they most desire- whatever that may look like- as specifically as you can, as vividly as you mild allows. Then, thank God for that life-with certainty. No need to figure out the steps towards that picture, but just the picture itself. God will figure out the way. I sense that wanting for something creates a negative space, that will only duplicate in it’s negative shockwaves. On the other hand, I once heard the saying, that which we appreciate appreciates! To thank God for answering your deepest desires before he has done so is a profound demonstration of faith, so long as it is done with the understanding that this will be completed in God’s way, and in God’s time.

I encourage you to write down anything in your life that you would like to see manifested…be descriptive, be brave enough to be audacious! Next, create a vacuum of space between that ideal and where your life is now, and thank God for everything you are blessed with now, and everything you will be blessed with. Finally, continue, my friends, with visualization and gratitude, knowing that the universe will work in your favor to support you, and provide you with everything you may need on your journey.

So… the first picture I would like to post is a very special beautiful view…My own backyard!!! I am blessed beyond belief to live in a small house with a million dollar view in coastal Los Angeles. In the morning the hummingbirds arrive, feeding on the beautiful Honeysuckle and Hibiscus flowers that surround our backyard.  We are located on a small curvy hill, so each backyard is completely private.  The breeze is 24/7, and brings the salty, fresh ocean air through our windows, flowing through our home.

It is, to say the least, heavenly. But when we arrived in July 2016, I couldn’t ingest the beauty.  My family and I, that consists of my husband, 3 kids, (my step kids, 2 of them who moved with us to California), and dog Mia, moved here from Florida.  My husband, who is also a doctor, and I had been in private practice for the 6 years prior, and were burning out!!! Medicine had gotten so volatile, that reimbursements went from spectacular, to great, to feasible, to breaking even, to…’oh crap’. We had employees that were like family to us, and we couldn’t afford to pay them.  We took out our own savings to try and keep things afloat, but it just wasn’t a possibility any more.  Small little practices were being bought out by larger ones that had the man power to fight for bigger and better re-imbursements, and our ‘little engine that could’ just could not anymore.  We were lucky enough to sell our practice for just enough to pay off our debts and move. We decided to join a big medical group in LA- a place where my husband had gone to med school and had always wanted to move back.  The decision to move, and the actual transfer happened very quickly, as we had to get to our new destination with time to sign our kids up for school.  Also, our savings were getting depleted, and we could no longer sustain our practice.  When we arrived in California, I was actually terrified.  We had 2 months of free time before our next jobs were to start, and we were very, very tight on money.  One may think that a two partner physician power couple with a view like the one we had could never face financial difficulty, but that couldn’t be further than the truth.  I was so scared that we would not have enough money to even feed our kids, and we had to learn to say ‘no’ to our sweet kids at the supermarket, when they asked for basics.

I would sit in our den, paralyzed by fear, watching Friends on TV, completely in my own head, unaware of the beauty that surrounded me.  My husband:  kind, enlightened, and aware, tried to get me to enjoy the amazing sunsets, and cool night breezes, but I just refused.  It wasn’t until we started working that I decided to start exploring my surroundings, and was blown away by the inspiring sights, and my enchanting back yard.  Looking back, I feel like I missed a beautiful two months, that I could have spent making new friends, enjoying my family, and looking for the beauty around me.  I no longer want to be incarcerated by the bondage of self.  This blog, even if no one ever reads it, is beneficial to me, and my spiritual growth, because I live my life looking for the beauty that surrounds me to share with you.  You, my dear friends, have already changed my life, and I am honored to be a vector of beauty to others.  Keep the comments coming, and together we will continue to overcome the struggles that originate in our own minds.  Namaste!

I wanted to create a space for people who love life! People who are not afraid to be themselves- unapologetically! I am a Board Certified Family Physician, and that is all some people see when they see me.  But I am so much more! I love food, art, music, and most of all…fashion! I wanted to create a blog in which I could share beauty in all forms.  I will post about medical tips, foods I try and foods I make, Art I love and art I create.  I will share humor in all forms, because laughter, in my eyes, is beautiful! But most of all, I want to be authentic.  I want people to see that doctors are professionals doing a job, but there are people underneath.  We can be funny, childish, and humble.  We struggle, and are certainly not perfect.  We make mistakes, we get sick, we suffer just like everyone else.  We pass gas in rooms with patients, (yes, we have bowels) but not me, of course.  I love all people, regardless of their professions, and I welcome anyone and everyone to join me on this adventure.  Together we can look for the beauty of life, in all forms.  This blog will be a little bit of everything, from stethoscopes to stilettos!

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton